Summer Semester (Omega Wolf Academy Book 1) Page 11

  We chatted about inconsequential things as we made our way outside. It was a beautiful day, hot, clear, but with a soft southerly wind that discouraged flies and heat stroke. In the shade of the evergreens, as we moved farther into the forest paths behind the school, I found solace and peace, even though we weren't completely alone, since the trail was used by runners or casual day walkers.

  I glanced down at our fingers, which were tangled together and constantly shifting, rubbing almost silently against one another, creating small tingles that raced down my arm and straight to my heart.

  We fell in the silence when a group of runners forced us to the edge of the path to let them by, then stay there as we moved farther into the trees, and I replayed over and over in my mind how I would admit to Lucian what I was without scaring him off.

  The words stuck in my throat, refusing to come out, as if they knew what the outcome of this discussion would be and would rather stay locked up forever than risk this beautiful connection. Too bad my heart and soul demanded that I share every single part of me with the man I knew deep down was an intrinsic part of my life now and forever. He wouldn't turn away from me, my wolf insisted. He couldn't, the same way I couldn't turn away from him. We were linked. How deeply, I'd yet to fully understand, but I was starting to.

  "My parents died almost two years ago," Lucian murmured, so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear. A soft gasp escaped my lips and I swirled, coming to a stop to face him as intimate pain and knowledge of loss rose in me, propelling me forward and into his arms.

  I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest. Beneath my cheek, his heart pounded, and I realized that he was scared to tell me his secret. I pulled back, slipping my hands into his and squeezed gently.

  "I'm so sorry," I whispered, swallowing down the lump of emotion that had leaped to my throat. My reaction was surprising. I'd seen enough pain and death in my life to have been desensitized against it, but hearing him say those heartbreaking words, I'd felt overcome with the need to save him, to take away all his pain and replace the shadows in his eyes with light, and laughter, and love. Right now, though, he needed me to listen, so I pulled him forward, farther into the forest and waited for him to speak.

  "I hate saying it that way, that they died." He sighed and ran a hand over his forehead. "It makes it sound like they were in a car accident or got sick, but that's not what happened."

  My heart twisted with understanding.

  "They were murdered."

  I released the breath I'd been holding in my chest as quietly as possible and squeezed his hand again, letting him know that I was there and that he was safe. He squeezed back and kept going.

  "I was born and raised in Montréal. My mom was from New Orleans. She met dad in University, and they decided to live close to his family rather than down south." A soft smile played on his lips, then disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. "We had a good life. We were happy." He slowed and took a deep breath as if to steal himself for the rest. "After, I found out that other wolves had been targeted for weeks before my parents were attacked. Weeks," his voice rose with anger that had nowhere to go.

  "They didn't warn us. No one said a word." He shook his head and rubbed his temple as if he could rub away the memories that haunted him. "If we'd known, if they'd known, they wouldn't have been out, especially at night. They wouldn't have been caught in that motherfucker's trap and gunned down like animals." His breath came in jerky gasps that shattered my heart.

  Lucian tugged his hand from mine and stalked forward and whipped around and threw his arms in the air with more passion radiating from his body than I'd ever seen. "That's what we are to them, you know! Animals! Monsters! I just can't wrap my head around, even after all this time, it just doesn't make any fucking sense. How can they see us as monsters, Lexi?" He pounded his fisted hand against his chest. "Doesn't this count? Doesn't our human form mean anything to them? How can they hate us so much for just being who we were born to be?" Hot tears of confusion and rage spilled down his cheeks.

  I let my own tears come. Holding them back wouldn't help him now.

  "It's not fair," I murmured into his neck, pressing my lips against the skin before pulling back to look up at him. The shadows that I'd seen so often in his eyes, pushed to the back, barely controlled, were hidden no more. Everything he felt was there, in those gold rimmed eyes. I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek. "How could anyone look at you or the people who made you and raised you into the man you are and see monsters?" I let my gaze trace his features, taking in the strong jaw, the proud nose, the arch of his eyebrows, and saw nothing that anyone should fear. But that wasn't the point. Hunters hated our kind for no reason other than the fact that we’d been gifted with an ability that they didn't have. They didn't understand us, what we were, how we shifted, so they hated us, and feared us, and killed us.

  Lucian tipped his chin and his tears dripped onto my chest. He stared down at me for a moment, then softly pressed his lips to mine.

  His kiss was as gentle as a butterfly's wings, brushing against my skin. I rose unto my tiptoes to welcome him, to hold him and offer what comfort I could. He sighed into my mouth, sharing his breath with me in a moment so intimate my chest expanded with love and sadness. When he broke the connection and buried his face in my hair, I closed my eyes and wished I could heal him.

  He was damaged, so was I, that I had to assume Dimitri was, too. Maybe that was what had bonded us together so fiercely, so instantly. I wondered what damage Chase was hiding behind that wicked smile and golden eyes.

  "What were they like?" I asked casually, as my mind swirled with scenarios of what would happen if I opened to him just as he was opening up to me. It wasn’t the same, though, I kept thinking. He was damaged, yes, but he'd been born to real parents and a real home and raised with love and normalcy. The part of me still terrified to share my life with him stuck strong on that point. So, I let him talk and unburden, while I adjusted and learned to trust my soul.

  Lucian smiled, this time bright and beautiful. "They were amazing," he said, looking up into the sky as if remembering. "My dad, he was quiet and intelligent, a deep thinker who saw the world through the most beautiful lens. But he was funny, too.” Lucian chuckled and turned to me. “Like, if we were having a party and dad started to speak, everyone would stop and wait because they knew it would be brilliant. He’d listen and engage with everyone, but when he made that humming sound in the back of his throat and sat forward, we’d all just stop and mom would get this gleam in her eyes.” He sniffed and blinked several times while his smile faded. “He was my hero, Lexi. I miss him so much.”

  I was silent for a moment as tears stopped up my throat. When I could speak again, I prompted him, knowing that even though it hurt, speaking of his parents was helping him. “What about your mom? What was she like?”

  Lucian chuckled. “She was the complete opposite of dad. Where he was quiet and introspective, she was loud and passionate. She loved singing and dancing and covered every surface in our house with bright colors because they made her smile.” He swallowed and inhaled sharply. “She balanced him, and me,” he added, “and forced us to step outside our little bubbles to explore the world with her.” He lifted our entwined fingers to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand. “You remind me a bit of her.”

  My eyebrows nearly lifted off my face. “You think I’m bright and bubbly?” I blinked in surprise and lifted my hand to my pink hair. “You know this is just dye, right?”

  Lucian laughed again and, this time, it was true and lovely. It lifted my spirit to see joy in his eyes again, even if it faded quickly.

  “I know,” he said, reaching up to tug at the end of one of my curls. “And I know there’s a lot you haven’t shared with us yet, like why you get panic attacks and nightmares.”

  My stomach clenched.

  “Don’t worry about it, Lexi,” Lucian turned to face me and shook his head. “You’ll share when you’re ready. I j
ust mean that there’s a light in you that draws me out. I can slip inside my head and stay there too long, but being with you, like this,” he squeezed my hands lightly, “it dulls the pain and pulls me out of the darkness, you know?”

  I did know, so I stepped into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my head against his chest.

  “I never knew my dad.” The words slipped from my tongue, unbidden, and set my heart racing. I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath to steal myself. This was it. I was apparently going to share.

  I kept my head on his chest and let the words spill free and wondered how far I’d let myself go. The fear was there, already, the pressure building steadily.

  “My mom died when I was little. She was sick for a long time.” Of silver poisoning, I thought, but didn’t say.

  "I'm sorry," Lucian murmured in a voice that told me he really was sorry. He understood loss, deeply. "So, who raised you?"

  I chewed on my lip for a moment, remembering the other girls, their mothers, my friends. "I have a large extended family who all chipped in. I guess you could say I was raised by a village of women."

  "No men?" Lucian wondered aloud, unknowingly pushing me to make a decision.

  I blew out a deep breath, not sure what I'd say, or how I'd explain. "There were men in my life," I confessed, and swallowed bile at the thought of them. "But they were controlling and manipulative, and I got as far away from them as possible, as soon as I could." I blew out a quiet breath of relief. It was the truth, all of it, just not the entire truth.

  Lucian stiffened and pulled back just far enough to look down at me. His eyes flashed with anger and his eyebrows pulled down. "They hurt you?" His righteous fury on my behalf chased away more of my demons.

  I traced the lines of his frown with my thumb and leaned up to press my lips against his. "They're gone now and I'm here, with you." And Dimitri, and Chase, I thought silently, but kept my musings to myself. I knew my guys had talked about me and about our situation, but I wasn't sure what conclusion they'd come to and if it jived with mine. "I promise to tell you all of it, every single twisted detail, as soon as I'm ready." I laid my palm over his heart in promise and lifted for another kiss.

  This one wasn't as comforting and soft as the others. My mouth fit to his, then opened to his tongue, which flitted out to taste and tantalize as his fingers moved to the back of my neck and into my hair to cradle my head. He angled me, nipping at my lip playfully, then losing a growl that sent shivers up my spine when I nipped back.

  My hands slid from his chest to his waist and dipped beneath his shirt to find hot flesh and sculpted abs. Joy radiated within me as he tasted, and I touched.

  A throat cleared just behind us, making me jump back. I spun to see who’d snuck up on us, expecting in the pit of my stomach to see the man from the night before.

  Chase and Dimitri stood several feet away, eyebrows knitted and lips tight, as Lucian pulled away, leaving me standing in the middle of an emotionally charged foursome.

  Chapter 16

  “Well, this is just fucking awesome.” Chase leveled his gaze past me, on Lucian. “We talked about this. What were you thinking?”

  I blinked in surprise at being ignored altogether and twisted to see Lucian’s eyes darken with frustration and a shadow of guilt. Confused, I turned back to Chase and noticed Dimitri avidly avoiding my gaze, his dark features twisted with guilt, too.

  “What exactly did you guys talk about and decide?” I asked as my own guilt began to rise. I pushed it back down, immediately, reminding myself that I’d made no promises to any of them and that I’d been as clear as possible with my feelings.

  Lucian stepped up beside me, shoulders squared, and voice pitched low with emotion. “I was thinking that both of you have had a chance to explore your connection with Lexi, but I haven’t. Old Ones, Chase, come on! It’s not fair. I’m a part of this, too. If she’s going to choose between us, she has to spend time with each of us first.”

  My mouth fell open. “What?” I whispered as my mind spun in circles that came back to the same horror. They wanted me to choose?

  Before I could shake my head, scream my arguments into the forest, they all began to speak at once. I looked helplessly from one to the other as their words pierced the fog that seemed to surround me.

  “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t stop thinking about her,” Chase yelled, bunching his fists by his sides as he stood before Lucian. “Lucian, I can’t…” He trailed off, shaking his head with wide eyes that glinted with tears and desperation.

  Lucian swallowed hard and looked, for a moment, as if he were going to acquiesce. My heart leaped into my throat then calmed when he set his jaw and narrowed his beautiful eyes at Chase.

  “No,” he said quietly but with all the strength and edge of steel. “I don’t want to hurt you, either of you.” Lucian turned to look at Dimitri, who had yet to say a word. “But I can’t just give up. I feel her in here.” He slammed his fist against his chest, over his heart. He shifted his gaze to me and stepped forward, reaching out to me. “I can’t walk away from you, even for them.”

  I drew in a shaky gasp and wondered if this was a dream after all. As if in a trance, I turned my gaze from Lucian, to Chase, to Dimitri, seeing the pain and resentment that was tearing them all apart and finally understood.

  While I had been coming to terms with my need for all three of them, they’d been accepting the inevitability that only one of them would have me.

  “I’m not a prize to win,” I said, suddenly overcome with rising emotion that had nowhere to go but the angry corner. “And your friendship isn’t something I’m willing to destroy for happiness.” I squeezed my eyes shut, searching for the right words to say.

  I’d taken the time and slogged my way through the mess that was my emotions until I’d come to the only conclusion possible. I wanted all of them.

  But could they accept that? Would they agree to all be with me, together?

  Wolves mated for life; I knew that. They knew that. We were territorial and ferocious protectors of our own and I wanted to ask them to share.

  It had the potential to go horribly wrong. I had to feel this one out carefully and ease into it.

  “I just want to spend time with you guys,” I said with a shrug, hoping it looked easy and believable, while my stomach butterflies freaked out, making me a little queasy. “This is too much to deal with right now. So, can we all just hang this weekend? I’d really like that.”

  They stared at me in silence for a moment so drawn out, I heard four different birds chirp and saw a squirrel run up a nearby tree with a mouthful of nuts. Then Dimitri cleared his throat and grunted, “I can do that.”

  I held back a chuckle at his grumbly response. I’d realized as soon as I’d heard Chase decry Lucian’s lips on mine that they probably didn’t know I’d spent part of the night in Dimitri’s arms. Since I was still pissed that I’d woken up alone in an attic with only the dregs of a nightmare to keep me company, I decided it was okay to enjoy his discomfort just a little.

  I understood his mercurial attitude a bit better now, though. He’d wanted me, I knew it as instinctively as I did my own need for him, but he loved his friends, his brothers, and they’d made promises. Promises he’d broken, for me.

  My enjoyment of his discomfort dimmed a little as that familiar guilt reared its stupid head.

  I turned to the others and widened my eyes, until they nodded in agreement and shifted uncomfortably as the silence grew around us. This was going to be a barrel of laughs if they kept up these attitudes. It was up to me to lighten the mood and ease them into the idea of sharing me like a bag of chips.

  My grin was wide and amused at my own twisted sexy thoughts as I reached a hand out for first Lucian, then Chase, and, pulling them forward, spun towards Dimitri. “Come on,” I said with a laugh that echoed through the trees. “I’m in the mood for ice cream.”

  “We should go to Luigi’s,” Dimitri mut
tered, still not over his mood, but clearly interested in ice cream. “They have lemon gelato.” His gaze met mine and wavered with uncertainty, then relaxed when I grinned and nodded.

  “That sounds perfect. I love the salted caramel.”

  Chase shot Dimitri a look. “That place is too pretentious for its own good. We should go to The Ice Cream Parlour. They have banana splits.”

  My mouth watered thinking of all the ice cream treats and the time I’d get to spend with my guys.

  “She said she likes gelato,” Dimitri argued, obviously over his earlier reticence.

  I shrugged, not really caring where we ended up. This was what I wanted, us all together. The easy bickering was just the cherry on top. It made me smile. “I like banana splits, too,” I offered up, just to get them going.

  They argued all the way back to campus with Lucian chiming in that the best ice cream on campus wasn’t at either Luigi’s or The Ice Cream Parlour, but at the little cafe just outside the Performing Arts building. Dimitri scoffed at his suggestion and said the only reason Lucian liked it was because it was French and snooty. Chase immediately reminded Dimitri that his choice had been gelato.

  We spent the next few hours making our way from one ice cream shop to the next, comparing the offerings and arguing over which was best. I landed on the dark chocolate gelato, which made Dimitri preen, and gave the banana split and mint chocolate chip awards for best runners up.

  Time slipped as the day melted into an evening filled with laughter and easy touches that made my heart soar. The forced civility they’d been wearing like armor melted away, so it was just me and my guys.

  It was strange, I thought, when I slipped away for a few minutes to freshen up between binge watching episodes of The Magicians. Strange and perfect. I just hoped that when the time came, they’d be open to my deepest wishes.